Even after a good beading session yesterday, I still woke up feeling anxious and stressed out for no reason. I found myself at home: anxious, tired, frustrated, and wanting to lose myself in any junk food I could find. But after a weekend of indulgences, wanting to lose weight, and a determination to stop bingeing, I spent all afternoon making pros/cons list of eating.
Pro: immediate relief of anxiety, junk food tastes good.
Con: perpetual guilt, weight gain, more anxiety, junk food is expensive, already spent a lot of money on a meal plan.
Clearly there are WAY more cons than pros to bingeing (and I didn’t even list them all). But that idea of immediate relief is incredibly tempting. Somehow I managed to get through the afternoon by hiding in bed with a good book and pretending to meditate. Finally around 6pm, the urge to eat something had become incredibly overwhelming (I would like to add that I wasn’t physically hungry). As I wandered towards my wallet and keys so I could pop downstairs to the store in my apartment, I stopped, took a deep breath, and turned around. I threw on my sneakers, a sports bra or two (hey the girls need support), and jumped on my mini elliptical. An hour later, I finished my workout feeling amazing and sweaty. I had watched the first part of The Great Gatsby while I worked out and it made me feel a lot better because everyone in that movie is way more messed up than me (schadenfreude at its finest). So the lovely combination of elliptical and The Great Gatsby killed any desire to binge.
I’ve rarely fought off binges. Most of the time if I don’t binge it’s because I’ve had no desire to binge. Unfortunately the urge to binge is probably similar to a smoker craving a cigarette. It is incredibly overwhelming and most of the time I give in. But this time I didn’t. This time I fought back and beat the binge. Who knows what will happen next time I want to binge? But I know: I won today.
Speaking of food, the meal plan has been going well. I’ve been really enjoying all my meals except for this weird fruit ambrosia thing for breakfast this morning.
Honestly, I am really enjoying this meal plan. Most of the food is delicious and I’m eating foods that I would never make for myself. I’m thinking this meal plan is really going to help me beat the binge beast (and my elliptical and the GG).
Any mini victories this week?