Every once in a while, we women experience an unique phenomenon called a “fat day”. Basically we wake up, look in the mirror, and realize that we gained ten pounds over night. None of your clothes fit (except your sweatpants which you can’t wear to work), your hair is frizzy, and the zit on your chin is the size of Texas. You’re cranky and dread looking in the mirror. On fat days, everything goes wrong: you run into your ex, the dog ate your homework, you trip and fall down the stairs, etc. You’re in a bad mood and act like a b*tch to anyone who dares cross your path and your significant other/friend/co-worker makes some joke about you being crazy (to which you respond “You haven’t seen crazy“). Ideally, you’d stay home, hidden away from the world like Mr. Rochester’s crazy wife (if you don’t recognize the reference, please get yourself to a bookstore/library and get Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte) but you have to go earn that paycheck, degree, etc. Nothing can make you crankier than a fat day.
It seems so absurd that feeling fat can make our lives miserable. Yet fat is the dreaded three letter word that can condemn you to the deepest corners of hell. Call me a b*tch, crazy, whore, stupid, ugly but fat can knock me off my feet and leave me sobbing in a corner. And our fat days are completely mentally derived as we feel bloated or self concious and thus label ourselves as fat (plus a string of other not too pleasant adjectives). As the self proclaimed “I’m having a fat day” Queen, I’ve developed a few tricks to help get me out of my mind (that’s screaming “you’re so fat”) and back to my life (where no one would scream that at me).
1. Back away from the mirror: I have many mirrors in my apartment and most days I check to make sure my makeup looks natural, I don’t have a panty line, and my hair isn’t a complete rat’s nest. However on fat days, I can stand in front of the mirror and obsess about every blemish and fault on my body. I become completely overwhelmed by the stream of insults that I’m hurling at myself that I end up doing something equally bad: bingeing or overplucking my eyebrows. If I back away from the mirror, I’m not getting distracted by my looks and I can forget all the dark undereye circles and fat rolls that depress me.
2. Have a big glass of water: If your pants are little tighter today than yesterday, you probably are just bloated. Drinking a huge glass of water will help flush out your system and make you feel better. Water is a fantastic remedy for multiple ailments.
3. Wear comfortable clothing: If you wear tight clothing, you’ll feel uncomfortable all day. You’ll begin to really believe that you are too fat which isn’t good for your psyche. I always have a few fat day outfits that are comfortable and flattering. Looking nice in a comfy outfit can really boost your fat day self esteem. One of my favorite outfits is black linen pants, a black tank top, and black & white stripped loose cardigan because black is always slimming and incredibly chic.
4. Go for a long walk: I am a huge fan of walking. You get the same endorphins without the dreaded elliptical or treadmill. Plus if you walk outside you get a good dose of Vitamin D and you can explore your hometown. For example, I’m discovering beautiful new neighborhoods of DC so it’s like I’m going on a mini adventure instead of exercising. Plus you can always “disguise” yourself if you’re not feeling too comfortable in your skin.
Don’t tell anyone it’s me: I’m having a fat day!
5. Play your favorite song and dance: I love blasting my favorite song (right now I’m rocking to Sugarland’s “Stuck Like Glue”. Seriously you can’t listen to that song without smiling). Dancing helps you connect with your body and realize that you didn’t gain ten pounds in 24 hours. Plus if you’re alone in your apartment, no one can laugh at your less than stellar dance moves!
6. Meditate: Okay, meditation is tricky-shutting off your mind seems impossible. But if you can stop your fat thoughts and focus on your breathing, you will feel much better. Try closing your eyes and focus on breathing out your negative thoughts and breathing in positive energy. I’m not always 100% successful with meditation but when I’m able to stop the racing fat thoughts, I feel much better and prepared to handle future fat days.
Fat days are “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days” (reference) where everything seems to revolve around your weight. But fat days are just a feeling, just a mental pre-occupation of blaming all your problems on your weight. You can either succumb to the negativity or you can fight the fat feeling and have a positive day. You won’t always win the battle but you’ll feel much for trying as opposed to just indulging your fat feelings. Remember fat days are temporary and tomorrow is another day, another chance for a happier day. Even if you feel like a fat, unlovable person, you deserve happiness, kindness, respect, and love. So treat yourself right and remember it’s all in your head!
